Bridal Spotlight: Should I Write My Own Vows?

By Abby Saylor Armbruster

Photo by Caitlin French

This is a question that many soon-to-be brides and grooms ask themselves. Is this something we're both comfortable doing? Do we have enough time to dedicate to writing our own vows well, while still making the whole process as stress-free as possible? Will a ceremony without our own vows seem too generic? Today I'm talking about how to decide whether to write your own vows or not, how to write them, as well as alternative options you have. Let's get into it!


First and foremost, a factor of your vows and ceremony to consider is your officiant. If you choose not to write your own vows, you'll be discussing the vows options and the overall nature of the ceremony with your officiant. It's so important to choose an officiant that you are comfortable with that supports your lifestyle as a couple. Officiants typically have a few different content options for the ceremony, so select one that represents you both and your upcoming marriage. With that being said, t's important to keep in mind that you do have some customization options, even if you choose not to write your own vows.

If you are choosing to write your own, briefly discuss with your fiancé how long you'd like them to be so you can try to even each other out. I suggest writing them within a few weeks of the wedding so your emotions are raw and can be easily expressed on paper and vocally. Remember that even though you're saying your vows in front of all your family and friends, your words are for your fiancé, and your fiancé only. I suggest writing down a list of things you love most about your fiancé, then using those things to pull together a heartfelt paragraph or two. Don't be hesitant to fully express how you feel, because vulnerable words are truly the most beautiful.


My fiancé, Justin, originally indicated that he wanted us to write our own vows, and I expressed my concern that I may be too emotional to say them — and I'm sure I'm one of many people who feel this way! I'm somewhat shy and have never liked all the attention being on me, so I think with so many people watching, in combination with the overall intense nature of the event, saying my own vows could be a disaster!

I love the idea of writing our own vows, and I think the moment could be more intimate and stress-free if we said them to each other privately, either after the ceremony or on our honeymoon. Since I blog, you may know that I'm pretty vocal about my feelings and emotions, so expressing my love for Justin in front of everyone is not an issue for me — but trying to get the words out in front of that many people could likely be difficult for me. 

Did you say your own vows at your wedding, and if so, are you glad you did? Or would you have been just as happy not saying them? I’d love to hear your thoughts, so feel free to leave a comment on IndyBride2B’s Facebook page or shoot me an email.

I'll see you guys in a couple weeks with another wedding post! In the meantime, keep up with me on my blog where I post 3+ times a week. Have a great day, everyone! 

  • Abby
Abby Saylor Armbruster